The other day in the car, my 4 year old daughter said to me,
"Mom, I wish I was a REAL princess".
Cringe. I told her she was a real princess, and in her almost patronizing way she acknowledged she knew that, but still. "A REAL princess", she repeated.
Is it starting already? This horrible part of being a girl. The wishing-I-was-something-else part. I thought this would hit around school age. When she started to notice the differences between herself and her peers. But how could I not see the the "danger" in her obsession with all things princess? Of course there is something glamorous in the lifestyles of the rich and...Disney. I'm sure I'm reading into this more than her 4 year old statement intended. Maybe she didn't mean "I wish I was as pretty as a princess. As thin as a princess. As rich as a princess. As quick-to-attach-a-dark-handsome-prince as a princess." But one day it will be that. There will always be someone smarter, thinner, shorter, funnier, more popular than her. Someone who catches that certain boy's heart a little faster. Someone who will dance better, sing better, throw a ball better. It's that way for everyone. But more than anything I hope she gives her all-HER best. And that she's happy with that. Maybe I want her to learn this early on, so she doesn't struggle with it into adulthood. (Like her mom.)
So to my dear future daughter-remember this quote from Henry Van Dyke;
"Use what talent you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best."
You can always be your own best. And that will always be enough.
Oh, and you are a real princess.
Love, Mom (Brooke)
Dear Brooke,
ReplyDeleteYour story reminds me of one I went through very similar. In early June My daughter asked me if Prayers were real because she had been praying to be a princess. I too tried to tell her she would always be a princess to me and her dad. She ten told me that we did not count we were only her mom and dad and had to think that it was the law.
My little Katie who was 2 weeks away from turning 5 wanted to be a princess because then everyone would love her and want to play with her. I then learned about a book called “Daughter of a King.” This is all about a Young girl named Katie who is raised knowing she is the daughter of a king and has been sent here to be raised by the two she knows as mom and dad so that she can learn to be a true and kind princess. Then one day she can return to live with her father the King in his crystal palace. Along the way she learns that everyone is princesses or princes and must strive to live worthy to return to live with their father the King.
When we read this story (on my daughter’s b-day) we talked all about how when she looks in the mirror she can see the face of a king looking back at her because she is the daughter of a heavenly king.
To tie that in I have to tell you a little about me. 17 years ago I was burned in the accident. I was 19 at the time and single. I was sure that I would never find a person who could love me because now I was so ugly. Soon after getting out of the hospital I watched Beauty and the Beast. This movie gave me hope that one day I would find my own Beauty who would love me as their own beast. My husband always tells it in reverse that I am his beauty. I have always strived to tell my children that beauty comes from within and if they do all that they can to be beautiful on the inside then others will see that beauty no matter what they look like on the inside. Two weeks ago while doing my visiting teaching I had one of my sisters mention to me how angry she was with my Dr.’s because after over 100 surgeries in 17 years they Had left me looking like Frankenstein while movie stars can go in without any major defects and come out looking even more glamorous. Now I knew this comment was not meant to be mean and hurtful which actually made it hurt all the more. And all through the rest of the day and night they pain hurt so deeply. Early the next morning I turned to my husband and asked for him to be brutally honest. I knew there was a surgery that they could do they had tried it 14 years ago that would minimize the scares it had failed then but we had the option to retry it. The thing is it would be very painful and take about a year to fully recover. My husband reassured me that he found me beautiful they way I am and that one day Christ would come again and make me whole and that was all he needed for me to do. After he went to work I prayed to find some peace because no matter how good of an attitude I try to have I don’t want to be Ugly and look like Frankenstein. About an hour latter my little Katie woke up and came into my room caring her book, she asked me to read it to her again. After reading the book she looked at me and said “Mommy do you know when you look at the mirror you can see Heavenly father our Kings face looking back at you. He made you beautiful just like him, and he lets his beauty shine from the inside out on you.” She then gave me a love and went on her way. I then knew my prayer was answered Beauty comes from God shining from the inside. I am grateful I bought her this book.
I recommend you buy it to because to me my daughter was given a testimony of being a princess of God from the book. I hope that helps you a little with your own situation.
Holly.
Okay, how do you follow the last comment. Wow, Holly, you are beautiful and I dont even know you.
ReplyDeleteI write to you as well Brooke because as you know, I am a bit older and my little princess is now married and I have a little grandson that she has given us. She even gave him my name as his middle name in honor of me. I tell you, she is truly a princess. My point is this, when kids are young, they will ask you all kinds of things and yes, it is immportant to answer them with somme degree of explanation but they dont need all the details. Once they get to be teens and at the age of about 17 they lose their brains and really get taken over by a chemical that makes them think that they are right about everything and that you know nothing. When you hit this with your children, have no fear, this will pass. Once they get to be 20 or so they get thier brains back and they understand that you really do know what you are doing and the rewards of that are worth every moment you had to put up with in the past. So, take pause in your life and enjoy the times that you get with your kids, it goes by fast.
See you at your concert soon.
Your friend,
Evan Mattingly
Holly, I don't know if you'll see this, but I've been wanting to track you down and thank you for your story. I cried when I read it, I cried when I read it to my husband, and I cried as I read it to my mom. What an amazing woman you are-and such a writer. Have you ever considered writing a book? Just a thought. I would love to keep in touch...xo
ReplyDeleteEvan, we adore you. Thank you for always being an inspiration.
Brooke, I know I am real slow but I just did a friend request on Facebook with you. I have thought of what you said several times but it is amazing how fast life gets away from us some days or years :)
ReplyDelete